Just breathe, girlie.
Seven years ago, I randomly picked up Everybody’s Golf on PS4. I wasn’t into sports games, never cared for golf, and hadn’t even heard of the series before. But there was something about the anime-style avatars and the promise of cruising around a sunny golf course in a little cart that hooked me. Turned out, the golfing itself was way better than I expected too—tight physics, fun mechanics, and a learning curve that felt rewarding.
So naturally, when I heard the series was finally making its PC debut with Everybody’s Golf Hot Shots, I was hyped. After all, this franchise has lived on PlayStation since 1997, with only a random mobile detour in Japan. The catch? Longtime developer Clap Hanz isn’t behind this one—it’s Hyde, the folks behind Digimon Survive and Tamagotchi Plaza.
And honestly? It’s not bad. In fact, I’m having a great time… except for one problem. Nobody in this game will shut up.
The Good Stuff First
Hot Shots has a charmingly retro feel. Everything is locked at the start, and you have to grind through different modes to unlock new characters, caddies, clubs, and balls. A little tedious? Yeah. Especially when basic stuff like using better clubs has to be re-unlocked per character. But it gives progression some weight, and I can’t deny that it feels satisfying when I finally add a new face to my roster.
Challenge Mode and World Tour keep things varied, with light story cutscenes and rival battles, and then there’s Wacky Golf—a Mario Party-ish mode where you throw goofy debuffs at opponents. I’ve only dipped into it, but I can already see how chaotic and fun it could be with friends.
Even the little “AI was used to generate tree textures” disclaimer on the Steam page wasn’t enough to kill my mood (though the developer might’ve overexplained that one).
But the Talking. Dear God, the Talking.
Here’s the problem: I cannot play a single hole without being drowned in relentless cheerleading. My very first game saddled me with golfer Alie and caddy Hannah. Lovely people, I’m sure. But here’s what I heard every. single. shot:
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“I’m rooting for you, go get ’em Alie!”
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“You can totally count on me!”
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“Deep breaths, girly!”
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“Yay!”
And it never stops. Unlocking German caddy Hugh only made it worse. His “to the right, ja?” has already become a trigger phrase that could send me spiraling.
Do real golf courses sound like this? Because if they do, how does anyone actually concentrate? It’s like trying to putt while trapped inside a motivational podcast that never ends.
Still Worth Playing
Look, it’s a small gripe in the grand scheme of things. Hot Shots isn’t quite at Clap Hanz levels of brilliance, but Hyde has done a respectable job bringing the series to PC. The golf itself is still tight, fun, and rewarding.
I just wish the caddies and characters would take a vow of silence, or at least cut their dialogue frequency in half. Because right now, my biggest hazard on the course isn’t a sand trap—it’s the nonstop barrage of “yay, ball!”
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